guess hu's back...

back again........ finally... lyke dunnoe after so long i got on blog... man its tiring... juz started job... been lyke 3 wks oready... currently on mi foundation programme so i gt no shift... morning shift all the way n sat 7 to 11 n sundays mi off... mi last off on 17 th july.. aftr that shift liao... haiz... learnt alot of things n still gt alot of things to learn.. so happy finally someone taught mi exactly wat i can do n wat i must noe.. n the orientation by a staff naz... thanks to her. reali... i gt transferre to 64 surgical.. during prcp i was in 64 renal... its so long since i went surgical posting so im lyke no nuts... going crazy cuz i can hv all kinda cases n i hv to noe how to care fer them... but right now fer first 3 mths im doin junior job.. hehe but getting staff nurse pay.. ain't it fun or wat....but well everyday come back so tired that i juz knock out after mi bath n meal everyday.. macam no life... like as if i hv 1 animore... mi frens are gonna start work oready.. n i hv 1 missing fren hu can't b bothered to kol which is praticali driving mi insane....never felt this lonely before... hv u eva had so much of frens bt yet feel so lonely....like there's no one fer you??that's how im feeling... i can't get rid of this feeling... so i pratically slp alot if not go out.... felt so stressed n depressed that wen i gt mi pay the 1st ting i did was to shop n shop... felt damn good to finally shop again...n mi fon bill in lyke 11mths was lower than ever... shockin... mi frens now y....y is life like that?? its like i get to b happy n juz wen im happy it suddenly taken away...n like i dunnoe if i ever get it back.. ever lost a thing u like so much n can't fin it.. the feeling can drive u nuts... mi exact feeling....haiz...i wish i could hv a wish so i can wish wat i wanna wish.. can i get a wish??haiz... rite now i hv no life... work frm to mon to fri n come hme n bathe n slp... boring.. i noe.. sat after work come home bathe n go church.. if mi fren free go out if not rot at home again.. the same goes fer sunday....i wld hv a life if someone jus kold....how long im gonna b like this? wen im gonna b happy again n wen the 'test' ends... only GOD KNOWS...

wats the truth??

yesterday i went to mit mi dear fren... she told mi something she found out abt a fren.. n its very upsetting.. but wen i did confront bout it its another story.. mi fren will not lie to mi.. i trust her alot! but the other 1...i did trust alot.. but wen i read those msgs in her fon..it reli hurt mi feelings..i really dunnoe wats the truth.. n i wish i knew... mi fren so stress over mi problem until she smoke again.... stressed up over mi problem n something i confessed to her.. i dunnoe if im gonna b blacklisted...i reali don't... 1 ting i learn is think b4 u do anything n oways kip ur eyes open..i dunnoe if wat i found out is the truth.... gd person? bad person? i will let time n god decide... i hope gd...i dunnoe if i can handle it if its bad...i wish i can c in the future n noe now so that i dun hurt miself n c mi fren sad over mi....wat is the truth.. someone tell mi pls.

hu m i?

i dunnoe wats goin on animore... i dunnoe wat to trust.. wat not to.. well finally i read mi daily bread n felt at peace n finally slept in peace again. well today.. i dunnoe if wat i did was a mistake by calling... ppl say i dun understand... but the problem is they dun understand.. getting scolded.. telling mi to face the music.. i tot we were supose to help each other n get each other back... i tink wat i did was a major crime ( ya rite) if i tell this to anyone or mi frens tell mi this problem i oni can say y they wanna make a big fuss..haiz.. m i reali that childish.. seriously m i?? i dunnoe the ans... in the end i finall decided to juz leave it to GOD's hand.. HE noes best.. everything happens fer a reason.. i dunnoe y its happening now.. but i will one day.. well but at least i noe now that wen there's a problem no oint telling this person cuz im on mi own although we were suppose to help each other... u noe a whole year later... the anita back then wld hv juz thrown everything obstructing her life n get on wid it.. i changed.. i 4gt how anita used to be.. its time i get a grip of miself.. its time i get back to the old anita.. jovial, happy n enuf of worrying... learn to b stone again... at least i dun cry animore..i hope i noe the reason fer goin tru all of this..

a world full of lies

it's so hard to trust ppl in life.... i had a fren whom i trusted so much onli to find out she was full of lies and was bz spoiling mi name outside while suckin up to mi n meeeting her fuckin needs.. wen the truth was out 1 day i cut mi frenship wid her.. i hated indians n din tok them or mix wid them much... after almost three years i finally started mixing with indian ppl... i learn to trust ppl again... i trusted someone so much.. much more than i expected... n feelin cheated again.. ending up in tears.. is life always suppose to suck this much? sometimes i wonder y i put trust in ppl again after goin thru so much... y ppl fake n make u trust them oni to hurt u time n time again..wat the hell do these ppl want?? make use of mi! its hurtin to find out truth u dun wanna learn.. i feel so so cheated... wouldn't the world b a much much better place if ppl jus stop lying n treated u like human n dun cheat on u.. wat they r forgetting is wat goes around comes around. the person may cheat mi now... but GOD is watching...

unfruitful day

this is the shortest eva... i di nuthin much today. i slept thru the day... n i hv a big feeling im not gonna fall aslp tonite (again)..someone tell mi mind to rest please.

buildin mi life again

title sound as though i goin thru a difficult time in life... well i m... hmm... i hv to learn to get back to normal instead of being depressed everyday.. as if being cooped up at home wasn't enough.. well went out with mi fren isma to buy mi sista bday present.. well i gt her a mp3.. n well mi pocket gt hole liao spent on that thing... she better b thankful n appreciate mi fer getting her that ting.. she loves songs aniway... n schl is a long journey fer her... well she still better appreciate mi... im officially broke.. haiz.. how money flies..hmm... well nuthing much aniway.. the same..
i wonder hows mi fren getting on in nuh... GOD DO BLESS HIM FER A SPEEDY RECOVERY...

birthdays...

well mi dear lanlan bday yesterday...had loads of fun...met them after church.. sadly mi stupid sandals kept biting mi!! lucki mi mi frens brought the plasters..wen mit them we went to hunt her present n eventualli bought her a jacket she wanted to buy las time at u2.. so we after she came ... we pretend to go shoppin n brought her into u2 n asked her wat she tink bout the jacket.. she gv us heart attack.. she say she dun reali like it.. so all of us panic n ask her to try skirts.. and after deciding on a skirt we had to kip passing her clothes to make her kip trying the clothes... u noe y... cuz we need to stall her in the dressing cubicle while the others swapped the jacket bought earlier to the skirt... wekept passing her clothes n she nagged that she's tired of trying the clothes.. n the sales assisstant told us not to hog the cubicle cuz there's a queue formin... ya a long 1 hehe... well the swap was done..then we watched a movie... the five children and it..a very sweet movie... then we were sittin at mac n waiting fer 1 more fren wen grace accidentally blurted out the secret... we were cutting her cake at swensens... meant to be suprise.. well i gt irritated n made noise..n she seemed guilty..n looked as if she gonna cry... but she kept saying no... haiz then i felt guilty fer makin her wan to cry.. hmmm... then while waiting to be seated at swensens.. grace n joyce bought her a g- string i happily asked them to get a red one hehe... we put it in a bag... then after cutting the cake .. we asked to close her eyes n take it out... wen she took it out we snapped fotos n she sort of shocked.. hehe... n gt alot of glares 4rm the ppl there eating at swensens.. kaypos. then eat the cake not filling ah... so mi n asmah ordered rodeo wings.. which were yummy by the way.. lanlan had deep fried mushrooms n joyce n grace ordered fries.. well first tings first the service at swensens sucked big time.... our food was there except fer the fries.. n they waited fer almost 30 mins plus leh!! joyce gt so angry she scloded the manager... n well well wat do u noehe rushed out the fries n gave a 10 percent discount... but we still wrote a bad feedback.. their service reali sucked mah! then we makan liao.. rush home.. reach home late ah.. ah well hu cares .. i dun do it oways...i had fun though.. after a long long time...

finalli!!! i saw the sun again..

ya.. like being cooped up at home was ever fun.. staying at home was so damn boring... n i was goin crazy with mua brain workin overtime.. thanks to mi dearest best fren hu was free... thank you v much isma.. we went out.. gt mi sis bday present n went back to tmp to watch a movie... n bought a skirt.. its so long since i like wore a skirt... i tink im gonna wear it on lanlan bday gathering.. well at least i went out today n smell the air again... gd to be out again.... well mi dear fren at nuh.. confirmed diagnosis that its a cerebral abscess n well the brain is pretty much infected with leakage of fluid to the brain surroundings.. so right now they r tryin to find out wers the leak.. well at least he can eat fer the past two days.. apart frm the icp wen sit up too long n standing he can still tok a little now n then... PRAISE THE LORD.. at least now we noe wats goin on.. i hope he recovers fast... 1 mth hospitalisation more... haiz hope time pass fast... i pray that God will work his miracles...yet again.

boring......

its sos so boring... im dying in boredom.. sitting at home is suffocating mi along wid all the other things bothering mi in mi mind.. ppl at home sleeping is mi past time but seriously i do that to run away frm thinking of mi problems...its the best.. slp n it will disappear that is until i wake up...now i dread sitting at home cuz all the more im free n think nonsense.. if at least im out i do things i tend not to think too much.. well mi frens do hv a life of their own n i can't possibly impose on them... everybody is busy...i.. i dun wan to go out with any fren i hv cuz they will ask mi hows life n some questions i dun wan to ans them fer time being..haiz.. fer now sit at home n rot i guess.. gr8 way to spent mi holiday.. well i made plans to actually kip mi holidays busy.. but im in no mood to enjoy all that with a fren in hospital.. i prefer to jus lie low though i noe i can't be doing this 4eva..i dunnoe... i will survive.. i need time... we'll c wer this goes.. chao.

y mz ppl fall sick

a very dear fren of mine... having brain infection.. haiz.. i feel sad that im not able to help.. suffering in the headache, weakness, nausea , no appetite, n can't hv bright light n hear loud sounds.. i really dunnnoe how to help.. the stupid lumbar punture results not back yet.... i dunnoe the possibilities might b cerebral abscess, or it could be some spinal cord damage cz all the symptoms round up arnd ther... n the only cause factor v have is that mi fren had a bad fall rit eon the head... i dunnoe wats gonna happen rite now.. but things are not looking good currently... i hope everythingk goes al rite.. i dun think i wan to c a critically ill fren or death.. no thanks.. i won't be able to handle that...God bless mi dear fren...muz get well

flu bug n money

i v sad..... i gt the blady flu!!!! n its here again!!! every mth kena flu... y like that... aiya n i wanna go tekka makan tmrw... how to taste the food with the sense of smell n taste gone!!! bugger! tmrw gonna mit mi once upon a time dance grp to get together n makan... n secretly celebrate mi frens bday..hm... yuck the thick pleghm in mi throat stuck n not comin out... i noe ppl hus reading are goin gross...ppl b realistic.. u noe ol this happen wen ur sick.. haiz... oh ya!!! i GOT B+ FOR MI ATTACHMENT RESULT.....woohoo... so happy.. never expect to do so well.. like v rarely.... so irritated.. i spose to mit mi dear frens on fri n they push it to next wk.. wanna beat em up... oways say mit then push to other time...monkeys... n so irritating wen ppl go missing n dun kol u....mi hp bill like shit as always... n this mth i gt 4 bday present to spent on... so basically this mth i caan't shop!!!!N I ACTUALLI WAS WAITING FER PAY SO I CAN SHOP!! c la... life sucks.. no money no fun...n making money oso no fun...hais... n if making money for fun... no time for fun .... y like that...i suppose to mit mi malay frens to watch movie, n goin jurong bird park wid another...im broke..how... well somethings gotta give...

bored as usual

wow... today i was much more productive than usual.. i actuali cooked n washed mi clothes.. i went to trim mi hair but god noes how she cut it .. makes no diff.. mcm waste mi money... n i din go church today ( again)... a mth liao... so lazy to go... god will be thinking that i oni appear wen i m in trouble n need his help.. hehe well wen i din go fer years...wen i had a problem that's wen i went back to church n wen wkly faithfully. well i became lazy.. nxt wk mz go..waa... now holiday i kip[ eating like pig... hmm... today i ate ramly burger n otah otah... now stomach ache... so humid.. wat weather is this.. so bored.. im broke.. can't shop, can't go out.. haiz.. waiting fer pay.. i dun care! im gonna shop n enjoy mi holidays.. before i start work... hmm.. n go broke all over again.. somethings juz dun change does it.

chalet chalet

wow...... mi body is aching...well there was mi class chalet on the 13th may to 15th may at pasir ris costasands... sadly the ppl at the bbq were those hu organized + some of the gals bf.. so irritating wen ppl say they r coming but dun turn up claiming they r bz n stuff.. haiz ppl... but it was fun.. the first we check in.. n guess wat wen i stepped out of the taxi i saw this stupid fella i din wan to c... i juz ignored him while he kept looking.. nonsense..
we put all our stuff away... then we started to marinate the chicken... well i did the honours of mixing it...then i had to do the next disgusting job... clear the intestines of the fish... man!! i never do it at home.. but well it's juz us n some1 had to do it... well at the end mi n mi frens smelled like fishmongers.. then we go jalan jalan n shop fer shorts.. wer i gt a kol 4rm a brudder of mine...which oni gave mi stress.. i was oready stressed wit many things n now that... haiz mi mood to cheong totalli went off man... so pressured... eventualli we all took a bath n got all dressed up n went out... n yet another kol wich add more stress... sianz.. in the end i left early... i feel so sad that i din enjoy wid mi frens that nite... but sometimes u juz can't force urself to b happy n enjoy..the next day i woke up all early n took bus 21 to the chalet... sadly im such a smart ass i took the bus at the wrong side of the road n oni realised wen i saw geylang.. damn!!! i gt down n looked desperately fer an atm machine n i oni found 1 but damn it was out of service... feel like killin miself.. y i so stupid!! eventuali i work all over the place n found an atm... may b god noes i was having a shitty morning.. so the moment i gt to the road there was a taxi.thank God. wen i reach ther guess wat.. all the monkeyz juz woke up n it was oready 10 plus..girls.. eventualli i gt mi breakfast n we were all slackin n watchin tv n they were telling mi all bout the previous nite.. i wish i cld hv been there.. oh n we went cyling fer 1 hr... n thanks to mi dear fren asmah mi butt hurts... i can't cycle so obviously i went doubles with her... she din realise there was a big branch in the way wen she turned the cycle n guess wat our butts hit hard on the seat n then we almost fell... but it was fun.. then we bbq the food... eat.. n mi fav part was at nite.. we went n bought bubbles .. we went to the baby pool.. stand in it n blow bubbles... so romantic haiz.... haiz... n wen it was time to go home the gals walk mi to take a cab... n apple started crying... n i dunnoe y... well we all r gonna miz each other.. im not crying yet cuz i noe i still hv abita of time n i definitely will mit the gals up b4 i start work..well dats life.. frens come n go..n not many stay.. hu will be still in contact ten years 4rm now .. realli hard to say.. everybody will hv their own lives... including mi..but i definitely enjoyed this chalet the most.. but the next time round im not going to hold all the money.. its tiring to look after all the financial issues..

man.... after so long mi comp n net is working again.. yipee!! hehe.. well a sat i m shockinly sitting at home n not goin out... today goin to rain sia.. well so wat hv i been up to.. well i hv officially finished mi attachment... starting mi work as a staff nurse on 13 june.. so fast ah!!! n wow i had the director of nursing tok to mi in ward n sister was so happy that i put up a gd front.. oni wat problem ...i din tie up mi hair... feel like cutting mi hair...aiya...... i dun wan to start work... n wel well wat do i hv.. mi kaypo parents looking at mi typing away hahaha....n now i wanna upload mi fotos bt mi scanner nt working rite now.. arrr.... n i m black in colour after goin to east coast.. part time nigro fer now... so dark.. n wit all min skin peeling.. eeee.. im disgusted.. ya la hu ask mi itchy backside dun put sunscreen... hmmm mother's day tmrw... i got mi mum a handbag n she actualli liked it.. hehe... y isit we oni show our love to our mum on mother's day n forget bout her after...humans... well that includes me as well... i noe i can b one lazy rebellious daughter... bt well i appreciate mi mum... she how angry oso still put food on the table fer mi n washes mi clothes n buys mi chocolates hehe... sometimes i feel so bad... well i will change.. eventually... well later we are gon go out khalsa to eat as a family.. something not done fer a long while.. i feel like shopping... bt i better stay hme tmrw la...yesterday wen i went to schl to return mi clinical diary i realised how much i miss the place... haiz.... next time im goin there will b during graduation....time pass so fast... 6 wks of attachment over... 5 weeks of holiday then i hv to function as a staff nurse... can i not start yet?? worried bout the future oready....

cheeky cheeky mi

well but i forgot to say something... man !! this dr. nair is so damn cute...i won't exactly say he's handsome.. he has a very stern iron face but wen he smiles well well he looks cute.. no im not intrested... juz well admire him..hehehe c la like thiz oso i wan to add in..haiya but not mi ward doctor la.. WASTED!! he juz missed noe'in a gd soul.. MI!! ppl dun puke k i wan to get back to mi hokkien me la chao.

complainz....

haiz i oready noe i have a pt. complain bout mi but din expect sista to actuali address it today.this patient of mine complain that i din show any respect. i did not tell b4 taking her bp n pulse n wen she had asked mi for a tissue paper she said i threw a vomit bag on her table instead... seriously... if she wanted a tissue i wld hv given it to her.. y m i gonna trouble miself to the prep rm n go get a vomit bag n waste mi time.. as far as im comcerned normali i ALWAYS tell mi patients b4 i do anithing to then be it bp n pulse.. so i dunnoe y this came up.. n its obvious ywat a vomit bag is for..y m i gonna gv it to her unless she needs it.. worst of all i can't recall which patient isit...in the end sister showed it to mi lecturer ms kamala n well she toked to mi.. i expected speeches n naggins but well it was juz a talk n she said mayb its mi body language... wat a ridiculous complain... haiz.. mz b more careful.. sianz..yesterday i had a lost imr..thank god we found it but was in a diff ward..well i gt home today oni at 10.45 pm after passing report..had mi bath n now eating hokkien mee , drinkin orange juice n typin this at the same time.. waa the weather so hot man!! haiz... tmrw muz wake up earli..gtg fer medical checkup fer all bonded students... well im gonna eat finish n go slp.. so tired...

3yrs like 3 mins

man time pass damn fast!! mi frens n i were sposed to mit today but unfortunately im forced to attend an aunts bday..seriously wat the heck m i gonna do there.. so boring..haiz..well will b goin later on .. so sadly can't mit mi frens n i think the person hu is most disappointed is mi dear fren asmah... we were like suppose to mit so mant times n oways gt cancellled... i miss that monkey. we oways lyke to argue n neither one of us will gv in to each other.. well its a capricorn thing..but we noe its juz fer fun.. hmm.. 3yrs of skool OVER... been in attachment fer a mth now n time passed so fast.. i mizz ma gal frens.. hv not seen them fer a mth.. except fer jasmine.. happy that we're in the same ward at least i noe im not gonna lose contact wid her yet.. grace popped mi a happy news.. she is already accepted by CGH n iz gonna b a staff ther comin july..im starting in mid june.. 2 more weeks to end of attachment then holidays... after wich im a fully pledged SGH staff.. time definitely doesn't wait fer anione..mi sec days are still fresh in mi mind.. i feel like i juz joined nyp n the 3 yrs course iz juz bout over..all the good moments and bad.. the fun, joy, arguments, fights , tears and love.. we allw atched each other grow up in the 3 yrs... grace the quiet gal become someone chatty n cheeky thanks to mi n jas influence , vivian b more outspoken , lanlan 4eva tok out of topic bt a v hardworkin gal.jas.. well she's the same.. shld become a dietician..mi.. well become much noisier n definitely cheekier..hey its healthy to b cheeky u noe.. hehe..n learnt alot of valuable lessons.. be it to be a bttr person or a nurse... tings were learnt.. n within this 3 yrs i learnt alot of hu can b trusted n hu can't b.. hu are mi frens n hu were pretending to b mi frens.. we all became close within this 3 yrs but well i dunnoe if it will b the same wen we part our ways to the working world.. r things gonna b the same?? well as fer now juz treasure our times spent with each other n hv loads and loads of fun..n well hopefully we kip those sweet memories of our schooling days n may we never forget each other... i love n miss mi dear frens even in this moment.. ASMAH , GRACE , JASMINE , LANLAN AND VIVIAN, mengjie mi buddy , indhu n kossi mi dance mates hu gave a rocking performance together with mi during nurse's day.. n ol mi other frens hu laughed to tears with mi... man i miss mi frens.. y does time hv to pass that fast?? can i go back in time to relive these moments again? I THANK OL MI FRENS HU WERE THERE FER MI THRUOUT THIS 3 YEARS DURING MI HAPPINESS AND SADNESS... THANK U..
i will ALWAYS hold on to those special moments n time i had in mi life..
Thank GOD fer mi precious frens i was given...well.... rite now i gtg bathe n go to that bday.. man i wish i was out instead..

future...leave me out of it..

n im juz starting out... year 3.. the time we hv so much of pressure... gonna pass put soon in mid june n i still feel like idiot... so many things to learn n im goin mad... lucky most of mi staff r those hu are willin to teach man.. but mi basics r nt firm.. so how m i gonna b a staff nurse?? i worried sia... still blur bout the way arnd sgh..haiz...alot of things im unsure.. im juz worried i can't make it..to b a gd staff nurse... look at mi.. a person hu makes ppl laugh n encourage ppl, gettin scared...man i am scared bout the future...can i b 1 year old again?? mi frens all in diff ward... how r we gonna eva mit up again?? i neva expected 3 yrs to pass this fast.. n yes i enjoyed mi schooling days...the good n the bad wich made me hu i m now...sometimes i wished i studied sometin else instead..bt i come so far..too late to back out.hiaz.. but rite now mi biggest worry...workin as a staff nurse n mi biggest question... m i up to it?? only future will tell mi..

funerals...

last nite i gt a msg 4rm mi fren saying her sis in law had pass away...well she was sick fer a long time... but i din expect her to pass on... so young oni in her 30s.. one son oni in pri 4 ...wen i attended the funeral the place was filled wid ppl crying n mourning... even i miself cried...
looking at all these sometimes i juz wonder how little we appreciate n trasure the ppl arnd us...alot of times we neglect em.. all forgetting that one day we might lose them n wat r v gonna do then.. no point sitting down n regretting fer ol those things u did or did not do..cuz the person's not there animore...i agree even i m 1 of them.. neglecting mi family alot of times... y do we wait fer em to fall ill or go to dying state then show the love?? y not do it while we r healthy n fine?? cuz its oni wen something happens to our loved one wen we start feeling afraid that we might lose em...i hope i can do wat i say... show love to all ur loved ones n nvr neglect em.. cuz its too late to do all this wen they r gone.....
treasure ur life n others....
God Bless My Family n Frens.~

i wish...

i wish i did not fall sick
cuz if i din fall sick i won't hv to makeup duty... if it ws a nice staff i was workin with it would be a diff story... man!! mi s.n. sucked... n so a day spoiled wid no mood to work.. juz counting down to 3p.m. juz to end ma shift n get mi ass home to the four walls i hv to c..mi mum "sang a song"wen i asked if i cld go out.again ol bcz wen im nt feelin well i hv to stay hme.. do i hv a say...so im rottin at home wid basically nuthin much to do.unbelievable..bt yes 2 weeks of mi saturdays i stayed home n din go aniwer.. wah.. break record.;)
haiz.. wan 2 enjoy oso cannot.. mayb God c that im goin out too much n nvr at home that's y he make mi sick so i go home evriday...sometimes i juz get so tired of life that i juz wanna lock miself in a room n do nuthin bt slp..slp till im not tired animore..nt gonna happen though...
ºóª therefore in conclusion i wish i was not sick...