anita returns...

goin to temple on mondays...
feel peaceful...
much peaceful...

2 of mi staff goin to critical care unit...
new badge gradyates out... thank god they r ppl we noe...
the previous badge of students.... now ol graduated
n its already 1 yr since i started...
mc again... olways sick
dunnoe wats goin on wid mi body...
sick chicken.. fever 39.2

reali sian...
aniway dance is good
though i think ,more new n fast steps will b good i cant reali say much
oh well
its the oni thing kips mi together

will b goin back to work on thurs..
can i pls stop falling sick...
haiz....
but mi mind feels a little more at ease...
hopefully everything is ok olready...
though the fear is still there
everything gonna b olrite i think...

gonna go rest...
miss the old anita but i hv a feeling she's returning soon

~nta~

wats wrong wid mi? i wish i knew..

at a period of time ... i had been having performances after performances...
drained mi out but i had fun n i was kept busy...
then i took a break n met up wid frens...
each time i move on some tngs happen to bring mi down...
loads of shit at workplace
tat drains mi oready... mentally n physically...
frens hu went missing...
but reali... i dun bother... cuz the close ones are olways there wid mi eventually
n mi bf is there... every tear i shed he wipes it away... if not he cries wid mi... i thank god fer givin mi a person hu tolerates all the anger i vent...
a person hu loves mi much more than i love him... im trying mi best to appreciate wat i hv.. n not to turn back n think bout past...
difficult..
after so much of problems... i just needed the break... went out in a happy mood 2 mit mi 2 frens...
guess hu i saw at outram mrt...
mi first bf...
the one i loved so much n waited like a fool
the one hu was sick... the bastard...
he din recognize mi..
until i juz stood there n stared at him fer so long... his half smiling face turned to juz a face trying to think wat to do next....
he din approach mi n say hi either... expecting mi to tok...
the more i saw him the more angry n sad i felt...
i noe better then to stand ther n let him see mi cry...
so i turned away n walk down the escalator n he jus stood there
before i knew it tears wich i hv been holding on fer so long juz started coming...
i jus cried till i told miself to stop...
why should i cry over a jerk... hu onli made mi cry everytime...
every single time...
n then mi day was gone... its hard to hold a smile..
lucky thing another fren was ther... he started making us luff...
even couldn't concentrate on mi dance
went to find mi best fren...
we ended up toking n in the end she was crying fer mi as well...
i made her worry...mi best fren hu olways was there to listen to mi... i oni go to her wen i reali can't tk it cuz i dun wan her or ani one else to worry bout mi...
but i reali appreciate tat isma juz stood by mi...
eventuali...i juz told miself to let go but wen im alone...
thoughts do come back..
fears...
mistakes...
anger..
sadness...
if i can oni turn back time...
i wish i never met the person named solomon in mi life ever...
the name of a king...
but a character of a jerk...

mi first dance performance

yesterday was mi performance....
one at bukit panjang a small event...
the other was at jurong west n tat was a wild event
happening n gd food n bigger stage compared to the miniature stage at bukit panjang!
tat first one mi performance was a disaster...
the second was happening though
reali enjoyed the croiwd support
but so damn tiring la
i was morning shift... took mi bath at the hospital
ran down to ttsh n tried the costumes
trial practice..
then wore make up n change into costumes as we were getting late... took cabs in the end 3 cabs in one day
freakin shit....
aniway its ol over...
mi upcoming performance is comin fer the next 2 wks saturdays..
busy women ha...
i like it!!

wat!!

got a phonecall to tell mi there's a show tmrw!!
how the hell m i gonna dance in this state.. i barely walk straight
summore at jurong cc....
i reali woudn't mind if im in gd health but reali uneasy esp wen im reali down wid mi sick...
dun feel good... reali dunno if i can make it tmrw... well got to try i guess...
the worst thing is if tmrw reali performance i nid to go little india get some stuff n collect mi costumes n go fer dance practice after tat
haiz...
reali dunnoe how,,, juz pray hard i dun faint or anithing
or mi mum will kill mi fer not listening to her
God bless mi
hehe i nid tat... alot..

will i ever recover?

sick sick....
i go back werk today then i ended up vomitting wen i reach ward
in the end go staff clinic n 2 more days mc...
stupid sick... barely ate fer 3 days...
since start of yr till now very bad luck...
haiz... tings after tings happen..
: (
reali sick n tired of all the shit goin on mi life
it juz never ends
each time i think it does, it starts again...
so many things to settle
arghhh
the oni thing wich kip mi goin is mi stress reliever in mi life .. dancing
cant wait to go up on stage n perform...
miss those days..
dancing olways been mi passion.. hopefully ol goes well
i hope i settle the problem at werk
scary position...
haiz...
GOD save mi
help mii....
ur mi ONLY saviour

ppl change

ppl change...

fer gd or fer bad
i dun reali noe wats goin on n wats happening
i dun reali wat to do
im like so confused

was sick yesterday... the whole day having fever
hit to 39.7
finally dropped today...
but mi mouth got the medicine taste
haiz... tmrw go werk
dance practice sommore...
hopefully i get ol well soon

waa... frm 31st jan to 30th march

waa... after so long later then im makin an entry,,
no wonder mi best fren olways asking mi to update mi blog..
so well i just finished 4 days nite... n juz got back, had a bath n now online..
tired... very actuali.. put mi on bed n i will go into hibernation mode.. hehe
well yesterday mi pt pass away due to liver cancer.. poor guy oni.. 49 yrs old..
n he has 2 teenage children..
he was a nice man as far as i rmbr him
haiz... never had pt pass away in mi shift before so was not very sure wat to do.. but everything went well
well i enjoy doin nite shift... u noe y..
its much more peaceful.. not relaxing ah! i still hv loads of werk to do but its more peaceful as in quiet... i dun hv students, collegues, sisters, relatives n esp doctors walking arnd and in n out n causing a lot of commotion.. its more quiet n i dun hv to see the ppl i dislike faces...
haiz u noe i wish in a way that i get to do permanent nyte...
i dun mind the extra cash though it can b very tiring... but i like the whole nite shift thing...
hmmm... c wer it goes..so wats goin on in mi life... alot actually...made a lot of frens.. n havin loads of fun n stress..
aniway wats love?? i dun belief in true love so wat the heck... juz go wid da flow
its nice having to guys chase u at the samt time but sadly its gets confusin n tiring
i dunnoe wer mi future lies... im leaving it to fate.. the last time i trusted a man it ended up in shit... so i dun wanna tk a chance again

the big problem is....
mi hp bill is like shit...
n i gotta do something bout it fast...
haiz... dunnoe how i wan to pay ol... aniway goin to ctrl frm now on.
money more impt then chattin wid ppl
its getting higher n higher
haiz ...
how nice if money grows on tree... i wish
k im getting very sleepy i tink im gonna go slp
zzzzz
till the next time i update
~adios~

this time round.. im the patient

finally... i got discharged frm hospital today...
i was warded at w78 rm 31/1...
yes i became a patient...
i started to get bumps all over mi 4 limbs... it spread over the limbs... n it was freaking painful... can't walk nor stand nor sit.. moving around is difficult because of the pain...
i went to work still but on sat 28/1/06 can't tahan... went staff clinic to seee doctor... doctor dunnoe wat is wrong with mi.. n said its unusual.... referred mi to go a&e... the doctor diagnose mi as query erthyma nodumes.. a skin problem... a symptom triggered by something frm mi body.. can b tb.. viral infection... anithing.... at first they refused lemme go home... they said wait till all the bumps subside.... n til they find out the trigger factor... i was getting irritated fer stayin in hospital like an idiot... n at nite i always feel so lonely... nobody there.. family n fren all go home...
wan to cry... till i started crying yesterday to mi fren that iwant to go home...
sounds stupid but well no one will understand wat its like unless ur in mi position... having a sickness caused by dunnoe wat... n can come back again...
i feel like a diseased women...
haiz..... i jus hate being hospitalised...
being alone...
well mi frens visited mi n im so touched they came....
well... being hospitalised made mi see things in a patients point of view... n i felt wat they felt.. the worry they have...
i was pratically worrying every single day n nite weneva im alone....
every nite i had oni 1 question... wen i will get to go home...
surprisingly the doctor lemme go home on the account that im a staff nurse there n should b able to tk care of miself... anithing come back to see them... i was so happy i was like jumping wid joy...
i packed all mi things.... n got discharged wen mi dad n brudder came...
i came home.. so happy to b home alas....
nuthing like home....
i dun eva wan to get hospitalised again.....
im on mc till 7th feb... hv to come back fer appointment..
hope this skin problem goes away...
as long as i dun get admitted again...
praise the LORD...

sick chicken

i can barely move today..
generalised weakness n pain on movement...
yesterday whole day flu..
today i can barely move... damn painful.. took mc..
feel bad.. this mth alone i took 2 mc oready...
but if i go to werk i cant werk fast.. i will b like moving slow motion.. move pain.. sit oso pain.. walk pain...
mi father bring mi to the doctor...n he got the cheek to tell mi mum i walk like an old lady...see la... expect mi to fly i tink..
now feelin abit drowsy frm the meds...
i 4gt wat i wanted to type...
i hope mi ward sista dun think i ponteng fer fun...
tat will b fun.. but nah.. i not so bad
if i do to others wait one day others will do back to mi
haiz... i shall go lie down n stay in that position n try not to move..
damn hopefully i can walk tmrw.. n not like a constipated old lady..
someone... massage mi can....
: (

sick again

how many times can a human being fall sick...
i tink im 1 fool hu olways so suai fall sick...... esp wen i v lucky get long days off.... haiz...
flu as usual... man mi nose hurts frm sneezing..
suppose to mit mi best fren to go watch movie... but been sneezing the whole morning n i feel so giddy wen i go down to shop fer awhile...
so in the end i had to cancel it... so sad...
haiz....
y must i fall sick...
y.....
tmrw must go back werk.... soo sad...
haiz...
i wonder if mi best fren is angry wid mi fer not miting her
aiya i v tired n sian... body paining sneeze n sneeze...
i wan to go cut mi hair n highlight la..
haiz......
k la i v sian sick.. n staying at home.....
tmrw werk oready... god noes wen mi next off...
hope mi sick goes away....
: (

4 days off

4 days off... 3rd day.. walking to 4th..
damn bored today... stay at home...
not active enuf to run out today..
yesterday i went to watch i not stupid 2... so damn touchin... mi n mi fren indhu crying away hehe n funny oso...
then after that mi n mi fren went tekka mit up her frens... jeff n julie... funny la.. we were kachau'in them away... having loads of fun.... joking...so nice to kip in touch wid old fren.... must go out again ...
tmrw last day off... : (
i dun wan to go back to work.....
haiz...

have a nice day....

moral of the story.. help urself before helping others... finish our own work first then help others... mi collegue always ask mi help him while he does his things... in then end... i lose out.. i stay back tilll so late to finish mi work.... well this time round mi work comes first... gv them a dose of their own medicine...n wat happens... i finish mi work on time n can even go break...
well yea i finish work on time... still can relak sia... fuyo... hehehe happy...
i went out mi cousin n niece... so fun... i happy happy hold mi niece hand n we swinging our hand n walking... hehe we go eat at kfc.. then tok n tok... go mi house cuz mi cousin nid to print somethings... reali nice time spent together
yeay i 4 days off... go back to work on tuesday hehe so happy.... no nid to see mi patients... take a good break... so much of problems at work... can't take it.. now mi time to relax n breathe.. i hope by the time i go back the patient not there...
haiz..
the start of the year... so many problems.. fights wid patiets n ppl u love.. decisions made... maybe good or bad.. as long as it kips mi happy n im not crying animore...alot of things learn... a lot of messages sent... sadness n newfound happiness
ppl hu come frm noewer... n actuali make u feel happy n loved n soon enuf u just tell urself to let go of past n move on... i hv moved on frm one phase to another... start life aqgain n not to dwell on the past... not worth it... cuz thats wat kip mi frm moving on...
n now its mi turn to b happy n let ppl kip mi happy... cuz im tired of doin all the harwork but treated like shit in the end...
maybe sometime somethings r not meant to be..
n every ending is a new beginning... i hv found a beginning... im happy fer now...n i hope it remains this way..
cuz i dun wan to cry animore...

i hope the year dun suck

i having lots of problem at work... patients creating trouble... complain against mi... cry so much.. n im wondering y the hell m i crying... wasting mi time rite n tears...
go to work like zombie..
then wen i think i goin to try n move on... i have another problem...
ended up cyring again... shit la starting of the new year n cry.. shit...
i wan to b happy.... n im goin to try... i just hope i get over all this unwanted shit!!! GOD pls help mi..
but well n im feeling happier... n try to kip miself happy...

new year resolution

mi new year resolution..
to b HAPPY
guess its bout time i knock sense in mi head n stop feelin sad...
n well... im feelin happy... confused n angy with other things... but apart thatt yea im happy...
dunnoe feelin happy n jus wanted to say that..
hmm.... its a new year n a new beginning.. n i will relive mi life!
here i go....

patients vs patience

fer 2 days i overall in charge... mi patients take turn to bug the hell otta mi... so much nonsense.. feel like murdering them.. now mi 2 cubicles all ortho patients n full of nonsense patients!!!
2 drug abusers hu half the time tok rots n irritate mi...
1 juz did op n has so much of complians n nags worse than a woman...
he will do stupid things then tell mi he bleeding la .. pain la...
hu ask u move so much after major op in the leg...
another will lie down there n wants to be seved like his a king
another i think wants to b a part time nurse... ownself connect n disconnect his antibiotics... go n off plug himself claiming its not straight... n wen i told him off he say its a small matter... all the more i feel like takin the biggest needle to poke him... then he noe the pain of settin plug... bum!
he is not suppose to walk cuz the bone is very weak n gonna cause him a fracture n the op site to bleed.. tell him so many times... stubborn man... kip walkin ... then i just tell him.. "later bleed u dun come to mi"
irritating rite u tell them dun do then they do... then bleed find missy..
he goin fer another op n oready say cannot eat he go n eat biscuit la drink water la... then wen tell him cannot... he telling mi can like as though he docotor!!! nonsense la he want to die ine the op table issit!!
they dunnoe wat they r doin to themselves...
another hongkee fella hu is a big time pain in the ass... refuses to go home..
but he oni complains bout the doctor.. but bugs our life...
n last but not least the jungle man... we all call him that cuz he is a dirty fella hu never takes hiz bath.. n stinks big time
complain of pain but the minute wan to smoke no pain ...
complain of pain then wen gv medicine say dun wan
if not sometime crawl like sadako out of his bed
one of the noisiest patients... then again,, most of mi patients noisy
sometimes they make mi sp issed off i feel like crying
they behave like its a market!!!
haiz im trying very hard to show patience towards them
but seriously all i wanna do is murder them...
ahgghhh!!!!
lucky i off tmrw... frens comin over... hope they dun lay mi out.. i will murder them hehe
well tmrw is another day.. thank god no work
im goin on nite soon ... i shall wat gonna happens hpe i hv fun...
merry xmas n happy ner year guys

do they noe its xmas time at all..

hey whadya noe.. xmas is in the air..
on the 25th the day was fun n mi house was pack n hot ... mayb too many ppl thats y..
mi frens came
so happy to see em'
but man was it tiring doin the entertainin
cut mi bday cake
yes ppl im 21
wow n prezzies hehe
but go work
was afternoon n overall in charge
but okie the day past well
tmrw oso oops i mean today... its oready 12.40..
afternoon shift
though i was pretty much disappointed wid someone fer not coming
i realised its no point getting angry
hu is he anyway...
wateva f*** la.. got no comments..
try to enjoy life
21 oready.. mus do something
but dunnoe wat la
hehe fer now
enjoy xmas!!!
n new year juz around the corner...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY...
mi new year resolution :
to be happy.

better to slp

i guess its better to slp at home next time...
i went shoppin today...
seriously.. its difficult to find a dress i like... way beyond mi budget to spend that much on a dress..
ended up buyin some sphagetti blouse...i dunoe i like it cuz its simple n mature... at that point wen i buy it seriously jus looked nice n a must hv... take it back home n i got the complains... takin turns to tell mi how low it is.. it doesn't look that low to mi though... i guess i shall burn it..
haiz throughout mi years oready i listen everything... at a point of time ppl grow up n try diff things... mayb i should juz stick to wearing t-shirts..
they bttr not complain animore then
want mi to look womanly... but this cannot that cannot...
aiya wateva..
ask mi buy skirt ... i buy... short??
go to all the shop the skirts r freaking short okie!!! unless i buy long skirt...
to mi it dusn look short... aiya dunnoe la... i dun wanna shop animore..
i think im stickin to jeans n t- shirts n long sleeves...
soon i will wear like the muslim ppl (no offence). cover everything up...
cannot stay out late... cannot overnite.. no to chalet..
canot wear this... cannot club... cannot cannot cannot
frustrating...
y did i even bother...
might as well sleep... much better....
now i must change wat i want to wear fer xmas... i think i noe.
buy a freakin t-shirt
lets see hu complains then

4 more days to xmas

man 4 more days n i hvn finish mi shopping la!!! suppose to go celebrate a fren bday... like shit the person wen missing as usual... wateva f ***.
then i had a backup plan noe'in these things happen... sadly it backfired.. mi fren stuck at work...
n now raining...
i nid to shop n nobody free
n im dead tired...
4 more days to xmas n im not prepared....
worst i actually can sit here bothering to wait fer mi fren to kol mi out fer his bday... wasting mi time...
wan to slp but too tired to slp... n mind too busy thinking shit as usual...
achievement fer today... i set plug n took blood..
aiya im trying to ammuse miself..
wat bothers mi the most rite now is
unfinished shoppin... i yet to buy mi xmas clothes..
haiz.. then after that go back work n yes im spending new year in hospital... nite shift! count down in the hospital...
well something diff n new n can't b helped..
i wish i was out shoppin... wasted mi good time entertaining ppl
damn it...
n well 4 more days fer mi to finish mi work...
got 2 shop fer xmas presents n clothes
clean mi cupboard
clean mi shelf n bed
clear away all mi junk
wrap the presents
put up the tree
n still hv fun on mi bday amongst all this...
well i'll survive... somehow

another meanin to life?

wat hv i been up to?? nuthin juz work
today i was so dead bored n everybody not free to mit mi so i made plans diff... i brought mi mum out fer a movie (i dun do that often by the way)
we went to watch the DESCENT. scary!!! it scared the shit outta mi... damn... but the movie nice.. din reali get the moral of the story till mi bro told mi the moral.. its bout animals hu stick by fer one another n hv compassion but humans behave compassionless n animal like
i do agree... that many of us r like that...
sadly
i met mi ex patient... hu is the one patient hu i did care alot fer.. he has quite a sad story n suffered alot of pain throughout the hospitalisation n a very very nice patient...
n happy to see him discharged after almost 3mths of hospitalisation
saw him on mi way to work... happy to see him get on well..
i nvr forget those times he was olways in pain n even times wen he gives up wants to suicide.. i feel happy that i did manage to tok positive thinkin n that rite now he is livin much better...
its such small tings we do that help others that create meaning fer the job im doin...
n i dunnoe if i will ever continue this job or leave it... seeing how stressful it gets n no one appreciates u fer the fact....
which can drive mi nuts n think its a shit job...
rite now mi life??
i have no plans.. i dunno wat the hell im gonna do in the future..
wer to go ... wat to do..
i reali dunnoe
rite now its juz frens n work n family
i work like crazy.. hang out wif frens wen im free... wat else??
i reali hv no plans.... meaning to life???
dunnoe used to hv a meaning to life..
now i juz want to search the meanin n dun waste time feelin sad..
now not as sad but well... still not sure wat i want in life...
or wat i want to do...
n shit im goin to b 21.. haiz growing older...
n i hv yet to discover meaning to life..
i counsel ppl well but a sad case hu dun live by wat she taught others...
i wish i start doin that..
n i wish i know wat to do with mi life...

do u noe the meaning of BORING!

thats wat im feeling rite now... bored!!!
chattin online wid mi frens.... so damn bored...i dun even noe wat to write cuz theres nuthing to write....
so there... mi boring blog entry fer today... how exciting...
im still bored...