damn nursing!!

i wonder if im getting paid to get scolding!!! wat the hell.. after mi annual leave n im goin back to ward today... tot it was gonna b a gr8 day.. yea rite.. hu m i kidding... nonsense..
it was all gr8 until at about 6 plus wen mi collegues patient's son walk up to mi n asked if his father has gone fer an operation... n then i juz replied it has been cancelled.. he asked mi why but i can't explain y cuz i dunnoe y... i did not take the kol n im not in charge of him n im not updated about him so i realli dunnoe y.. i said im not sure but i will ask mi collegue to tok to him.. n he started yellin at mi... refusing to let mi tok.. he kept yellin n making scene n i din noe wat the hell to do... luckily mi fren from the other cubicle help mi sort it... even then he is not v pleased... wen she n i go to the tearoom n ask mi collegue to tok to him cuz its more better fer him to explain to him.. but he refused to do so.. he was sleepin n claimed its his break... so !!! does that mean its okie fer him to hv his breakin while i bloody hell take the rap...worse still no one kol n told the patients son it was cancelled... mi fren helped mi to settle it n i juz apologized that i reali could not ans him..mi fren did not want mi to get a complain letter fer something i din do so she helped mi... bless her good heart.. but im so angry wid mi collegue hu refused to help mi n juz wanted to cover his backside...
ii was so irritated i went fer break.. force miself to eat.. then i told miself im taking the full break... i felt so down n moody after that...
then wen i went back out n served medications... mi another patient hu is mentally ill scolded mi in vulgarities fer nuthing...
he kept shoutin chibai.. trust me.. man i was temted to ask him y his mother dun hv issit... rude but wat the hell...
he kept yelling at mi until i pass report finish... he say u shut up.. dun tok to mi n make nmi fed up.. he reali crazy.. one minute he joke wid mi n so nice.. next minute he yell at mi.. n the worst thing is i orady served his psychaitric medicine oready n he is like that.. i wonder if he ate it or threw it away.. cuz if he dun take it thats wen he goes bonkers...
i felt like beatin him up... it reali spoils mi mood.. n i felt very depressed..
i got scolded fer nuthing...
is this y i joined nursing.. to get f**ked by patients! m i even gettin paid fer all this shit im taking!!! im juz so irritated that i feel like quittin this job... i m counting down 3yrs... i can't do this fer life... cuz at the end of it i will become mentally ill n stressed out!
tmrw i morning shift n have to face it again... God noes wats goin to happen tmrw... juz bring mi thru the day n im thankful..

bloated...

i ate so much today... n i was suppose to be dieting.. haiz...
i went to mi cousin house today n saw mi 2 nieces n nephew... v cute.. they hv grown up alot... one lost weight n the other two put on... had fun .. then mi n mi cousin go walk walk around hougang mall n chattin bout life n laughin at ppl... a peaceful day n most of the time spent yackin n jokin...
today is mi last day of annual leave n im goin back to work tmrw... hmm sad... i wanted to slp more... i noe im being a pig.. lazy la..
happens.. if u work like mi
but waitin fer mi off on wed n thurs..
work... so much politics... i hate it wen ppl put a luffin face but do the otherwise.. damn them.. nvm ... i will survive..
jus look forward to off i guess... haiz... work tmrw... i dun wan to go!!!!
drag miself to work... n now im gonna go slp.. n face mi tiring life again..
here i go again...

weighty issues

n mi sista n brudder r fighting at the back.... nonsense... i dun like it wen ppl throw tempers.. sadly i realise i do that to...
man i gotta grow up in that sense....
but throwin tantrums is good... ppl will noe u r angry n juz buzz off... i dun do that to everybody thou... mi frens dun reali c this side of mi.. mayb cursin n swearin yes... but not tantrums... onli do it to mi loved ones... hu else can we do this to hehe ( n im proud of that) hehe
im on annual leave n i can't believe that im actualli siitin at home... again ... today...
go tekka (again) haiz....
i jus realised today that man i put on an awful lots of weight... n its startin to piss mi off... im gonna lose weight again even if mi gastritis pain kills mi.... thanks to wonderful attention of painkiller... okie if mi fren read this they will definitely murder mi wen they see mi...
they say i look a healthy person now unlike last time i look anorexic.... did i?? i dunnoe... i miss those days wen mi tummy were flat... n fats were less visible... the day i met mi one fren... i started bloatin... frn 44kg to now a 49kg... i took gr8 pains to lose weight frm 56kg to 44 kg... n now i puttin on....
cannot cannot... must lose weight... n i shall.. wen i do i shall publicise hehe.... i hope im not becomin crazy...
i sit at home i kip thinkin of certain things i dun wanna think of...
but if i wanna go out i get nagged at
past few dayss so stressed out until i juz wan to go somwer n release all this stress....
haiya... if god has a hp i will definitely call him n ask the ans to mi questions.. questions i nid ans to fer a long long time...
cuz moving on is not that easy after all... n i wan to move on
but i can't~

im back....

im on annual leave...
im SUPPOSED to b enjoyin but im rottin at home... y?
cuz mi best fren is down wid tonsils
mi close fwen in thai trainin
mi other fren all workin shift...
every1 so busy.... so m i wen im workin la...
so happy to b out of ward fer now...
so chaotic n busy... nvr finish work
so fast time past... i work fer 5 mths oready...
how much i saved... nuthin much
i wonder wat i do wid mi pay la.... last time broke now oso broke
hehe
mostly because of mi stupid hp bill
at work kena nag by the oldiesin the ward.. work wid em v the f***in stress
esp gt 1 old lady.... i wonder do all single womean become like her
so grouchy
she rarely smiles n if she does she looks even more freaky
n she has a face of a bull dog la..... realli...
but she can b helpful thou ... depends on her mood... it changes at a blink of eye.. thats y i stay far... very very far away frm her
i wonder hows ward? hows mi pt...
but i dun miss ward... so tiring go work
im counting down 3 yrs,.... definitely runnin away
i wish i din join nursing..
but some times i feel proud to b a nurse wen i achieve something
but its till a job which will send mi to grave.... not easy n stressful
so much politics.... ol i noe is nvr trust anione but urself
at home mi parents nag at mi to do housework n learn cookin
mi stupid fren can force mi to learn cookin.. say i mus go the house n lern frm the mother....
y muz i learn cookin!!!! learn n cook fer hu
mi mother kip sayin cook fer mi husband in future,,, hu say i gettin married?
i miself dunnoe if i will get married...
will i ? onli god noes..
then thers the thing bout saving money...
im tryin.... reali tryion.. jus dunnoe y it finishes at the end of the month
hehe
save fer hu? mi future weddin... wat oni...
mi parents reali tryin to get mi to b responsible... but too bad they kip tryin n i kip runin... i will b responsible if i ever find the nid to
i will commit to such things wen thers a reason
i dun hv a reason to do all this fer now
savin ya okie its a must fer rainy dasy... the rest.... c how
firstly let god show mi wer mi path of life is headin n get5 mi ans to questions i nid then i wil decide.. till then i will enjoy...
now wan to enjoy but no fren to accompany.. how...
aiya the best thing now is slp...

watch gonna do wen it all comes back...

juz wen u think life is gd... tings happen.. life is very unpredictable... bt learn frm lessons.. take tings into stride... n try to be happy the keyword is try...
work is as usual STRESS spelled in capitals... the day im overall in charge is the day i go home late... i reali can't cope 15 patients all on mi own... i can go crazy...scared ah b alone...so many mrsa patients in mi ward... nurse's r walkin germs...we carry bacteria in our body.. loads of it..

kitchen is under renovation... so poverty strikes at home... no good food to eat!!!! everyday outside food.. sick n tired of eatin at coffeeshop... home cooked food is the best... no wonder i lost weight hehe

so long never go church... mus go liao...

im goin on annual leave!!!! 21st nov to 27th nov!!! so happy... im helpin to clear someone else leave... but all the same... go on leave... yeay!!! break frm work... temporary that is.. better than nuthin

im gonna do a portfolio.. courtesy of mi parents... bday present 4 mi... so excited.. waitin oni...

deepavali comin...i lucky get mi public holiday... can go visiting..

c! so many things to b happy about.. so i shall not let one ting spoil mi mood or make mi sad...

p.s. since renovation alot kosu kadi (mosquitos i mean..)
hehe till later tata...

huff n puff n blow the man down

n i tot blowing was easy...
today was mi bcls n yes i passed... jump fer joy... but mi throat hurts damn bad all thanks to the blowing.... i needed 3 attempts to actually pass the damn thing... mi compressions were beautiful ( **ahem ahem** wat can i say... beautiful person gv beautiful compressions... makes no sense rite... nvm..)aniway i had a hard time givin mouth to mouth resuscitation to the mannequin... so hard to blow.. n i blow so hard n still not enough... finally i manage to pass... a just pass fer mi blowing.. jus nice i gt 3 mistakes in the blowin n we were onli allowed to hv 3 mistakes.. thank god.... but seriously.. mi compressions were good... they were all at the same depth n timing... not to praise miself but wat can i say... im good... but not wid all this blowing thingy....
pass bcls oready go back ward relak oni... many staff n nuthin to do... so basicaly today is 1 day god is so kind to gv mi wer i get paid fer doin nuthin... ain't it gr8!
now waiting fer pay day... counting down....5 more days... n im rich again fer a few days then i will b poor
again.

bcls tmrw

yeay its mi off today..... mi bcls tmrw... n i hv not yet studied fer it.... stupid la.. can nicely gv mi 8 to 4 shift rite... they unfair... aftrnoon shift.. so after bcls in the morning i mus go work!!!
so sian.... n rite now i playin this maths game thing wich is driving mi nuts...wa so long nvr mit mi best fren... later goin to makan wit her...i wonder hus afternnon wit mi tmrw... hope not mi preceptor... stress...
hmm wat i hv been up to.. nuthin much wen fer onnam at mi aunts place... then out as usual....nuthin much... but mi preceptor mouth ah... very suai... full of curse n swear.... no wonder she not married.. or isit she not married become like tht?? morale of the story... if not married at least hv a scandal..heh

v are burning....

n wen was the las time i updated mi blog....
im alive!! yea rite like the ward does not drive mi nuts.. i hate ceklists cuz u hv to get all those stuppid stuff signed by the deadline... n mi preceptor very the .... spoil mood one la.. the min she start work till finish work she will be cursing n swearing so even if i try to hv a gd day she will be so kind and spoil it like she usually does... everytime i work wid her i get v stressed up...n she's the oni collegue i will not kol by name... i call her staff nurse.... not reali respect... juz scared... like wicked witch of the west... she oways hv a frown on her face n she stares at u like her eyeball gonna fall out ani moment.... but wen she gt the mood to teach she will teach properly.....
haiz... mi 1 pt hu oways kol fer us and ask the time n date... that indian muslim old man.. discharged oready.... n the ward is quiet la...haha
hmmm wat hv i been up to lately... nuthin much ... juz goin out alot till mi mummy nag at mi fer goin out alot n usin mi hp alot.... but y ah.... we pay our own hp bill but still kena nagged at fer usin the hp fer too long.. hehe... yeay today n tmrw mi off.... so happy...im goin out! hehe mi mum is gonna nag as usual... ya la ppl ask her go out she dun wan... then dun wan let mi oso go out... unfair tau..but the funny thing is she will not ask mi anithing or complain to mi directly... she will nag at mi sista fer mi behaviour( i pity her)... then after that mi sis will nag at mi...haiz..... so sad yesterday i take mc... sure mi pay cut 60 plus... sad sia... mi doctor summore scare mi say i gt gastritis n if still dun get bttr i mus go scope.....
aiya aniway rite now im proud to say im living a happy life cuz i no longer waste mi time sittin down n worrying....i jus enjoy mi life to the max n do wateva i want... life is so much more peaceful that way... there's oni one big problem..... how to tell mi ward sista that i hvn finish mi ceklist...man... im in fer some big time shit...
oh well.. like i dun c enuf of it in ward....

lazy

tmrw is mi iv test n i hvn study.. can't study la... so irritated nuthin goin in mi head... i think i confirm will fail sia.. how to pass wen nvr study sia... mi fault.. supposedly i spose to study but some idiot fren kol mi go online in the end aiya dun say la.. i hate ppl makin use of mi... mcm 7 eleven... *u** la waste mi time oni... aiyo dunnoe la.. this is getting to mi head n i hvn study.. worried sia... dunnoe la i wan out frm nursing... i can't take the stress god help mi.....!
someone...

3 yrs past fast can....

aiyo so tiring... yesterday afternoon shift never go break... busy like crazy... by the time finish work n go home wattime oready sia... then today mornin shift... damn sleepy... today oso busy like shit.. din eat... finish work late summore... left ward almost 5pm sia.... hungry n sleepy but still wanna go out... made plans to mit mi best fwen to buy present fer a close fren anniversary... skali she awhile later kol n tell mi nid to go makan wid her family... but its orite... she oways ther weneva i kol aniway... cannot tahan ppl say wan to email mi n din.. waste mi time cekin oso... like i gt nuthin better to do... haiz later go back ward muz rush n do mi plug settin n bld takin.. how sia.. pray hard i lucky each time i do.... shit la dunnoe muz finish by 30th this mth.... die la.. mi iv test on fri ah.. hvn study oso.. lucky tmrw rest day..haiz.... tired ah.. feet hurt... 2 patients compliment a few of our staff plus myself.. feel so happy... usually it stopped oni with a thank u... mus learn to kip mi mouth shut sia.. tell 1 person n dunnoe how the whole wrold... haiz... difficult sia like that in the end blame me.... frm now on juz kip quiet n evrything say dunnoe better la.... haiz tired.... feeling so drained physically n mentally... no wonder hair dropping sia.. i waitin .. 3yrs later bttr quit nursing la... shit job.. tiring ah...
hey n i saw jasmine today.. she go pierce her nose... dun look that nice la... aiya her face aniway hehebut happy to see her after so long... k la.. gonna off the comp n go slp.. no one's online to chat wid mi... nuthin to do... no one wan free yak wid mi oso or mit mi... so i shall juz lock miself out of the world ~ sleep!

mi feet hurts.. some1 massasge pls

man today such a tiring day.... oni 2 nurses today.... no en or pca or students... one man show... run around like mad dog... n i tot i could b a happy junior today... so understaff... no time to eat or sit.. that busy.. lucky awhil later i had students come in... if not i tell u i dunnoe wat i will do... today mi fren gv mi heart attack.. tell mi that muz finish mi bld takin n plug settin ceklist by this week.. gv mi shock sia.. i hvn sign mi stuff... die la... i hate ceklist!!! make mi go crazy..
haiz... tiring.... mi bed callin mi... i would hv juz gone straight to bed if i wasn't expecting an email... damn i din recieve it... waste mi time this ppl... nxt time dun wan to layang oready....
wa mi roster mcm shit... reali rotate mi shift like wat oni... mi sat aftrnoon... sun n mon morning n summore sun i nid to attend mi dearrest fren chalet... haiz gt iv test n i hvn study..... aiyo.. n mi hp dunnoe wan to change not... siaow oready...aiya aniway not like i getting kols or wat... can wait la.... muz save money..ya rite.. i waiting fer pay to go shoppin actuali hehe
well basically its not ez to b a nurse.... i think they shld increase the pay hehe....
or at least gv free massage every 2 wks ah....
n mi feet still hurts~

n life goes on

day in day out... mcm routine life.. go to work then back then bathe, eat slp then life goes on the same way.. if off go out if not stay home n rot... man sometimes i feel life sux.. n im bored to death but do i hv a choice.. ever since the day i told miself to carry on.. thats wat i've been doin...
i feel more peaceful at work... n sometimes mi pt juz make mi luf... yesterday i help wid resuscitation n i bag the pt till so damn tired mi hand cramp sia..
somemore now 7th month oi...
i hv this pt in ward n he's well sort of confused.. indian muslim old guy la... he very cute la.. tok to him sure luf cuz he tok nonsense.. hehe he olways luv to reach fer his mug of water n then end up the jug will topple to the floor.. so normali i will put his locker far frm his bedside so that he can't pour water down... n he will kol hundred n 1 times n ask to put the lockeer nearer to his bed so that he can pour water on his own... n talkin to him n answering his question can tire u but he reali v cute la make ppl luf... he comes up with all kind of weird questions n does all kinda of weird things... haiz.... these pt's make mi day much more than someone else hu should b doin tings to make mi luf... i dun c being a nurse as a long term plan... its v tiring n stressful.... but we'll c wer it goes 3 yrs later
aiya im so tired... 3 days off... n lets see wat im gonn do... hv fun i hope... catch up on slp... n most importantly... study fer mi iv!!

happy national day

yeay its national day...
hehz.... like as though mi bday...
so long din come up... now workin n in charge of patients.. damn tirin... i enjoy work cuz its stressful n kkip mi mind out of mi problems...
i worry lesser... hmm but pretty much the same.. waiting fer god to shine the ans to all mi unsolved question n riddles in mi life... n i will wait patiently fer that day... n guess wat!!! i learn to cycle!!! i wanna take bike licence.... but c how la..hmmm tire la wan to slp ... update mi sad life another time eheh
nitz

im tired... physically n mentally

im feeling so tired..... i feel like goin on hibernation mode.. sleep n not wake up....tired...graduation is in 2wks time...reali looking forward to it... now i m gonna b workin shift so no more sat n sun off... i wonder y im a nurse...i wonder how long i hv to wait till i get an ans...waiting is so so tiring.. maybe thats y im tired.. think too much... im so bored... lazy go work...today i pratically juz slept... mi mum's bday today.. thats y so good stay home... tmrw tot wanna go out... but seems like everybody is too busy... well they hv a life...time pass either too fast to cope or too slow that i dread every second....if only i can rewind back mi 3 yrs i would not take up nursing.. maybe a 8 to 5 job so that i can still kip up with mi social life.... do something....im tired... so moral of the story... dun think too much....i need something to happen to boost mi energy level....
i nid redbull in life...

wat shld i do?

i hate being depressed...i hate feeling lonely... i hate it wen ppl say they will call but go missing... i hate it wen ppl say things they never meant...i hate it wen they leave u in the lurch in times of trouble.. i hate it wen the world turns upside down... i hate it wen i dunnoe wats goin on.. i hate it wen i dunnoe wat to do... i hate it wen ppl make mi cry...i hate it wen i can't stop crying...i hate it wen ppl u trust breaks ur trust.. i hate it wen im being made use of fer personal gains... i hate it wen i can never find a solution to problems.. i hate it wen i kip getting problems after problems...i hate it wen u can find peace...i hate having a burden in mi heart.... hate it wen i can't face up to mi problems...i hate trying to be happy wen im not...i hate it wen i bother but the other dusn't give a 'F'.. i hate it wen others b happy after causing mi pain... i hate wats happenin rite now... i hate being helpless... i hate not knowing wats happening....i hate being miserable...i juz hate beind so sad n not able to lift miself up.. i hate it wen ppl juz kip hurting mi again n again... y is this happening...suddenly i hate mi life...
i never felt like this before...
and i hate this feeling.................
hate it even more that i can't make all this go away!

guess hu's back...

back again........ finally... lyke dunnoe after so long i got on blog... man its tiring... juz started job... been lyke 3 wks oready... currently on mi foundation programme so i gt no shift... morning shift all the way n sat 7 to 11 n sundays mi off... mi last off on 17 th july.. aftr that shift liao... haiz... learnt alot of things n still gt alot of things to learn.. so happy finally someone taught mi exactly wat i can do n wat i must noe.. n the orientation by a staff naz... thanks to her. reali... i gt transferre to 64 surgical.. during prcp i was in 64 renal... its so long since i went surgical posting so im lyke no nuts... going crazy cuz i can hv all kinda cases n i hv to noe how to care fer them... but right now fer first 3 mths im doin junior job.. hehe but getting staff nurse pay.. ain't it fun or wat....but well everyday come back so tired that i juz knock out after mi bath n meal everyday.. macam no life... like as if i hv 1 animore... mi frens are gonna start work oready.. n i hv 1 missing fren hu can't b bothered to kol which is praticali driving mi insane....never felt this lonely before... hv u eva had so much of frens bt yet feel so lonely....like there's no one fer you??that's how im feeling... i can't get rid of this feeling... so i pratically slp alot if not go out.... felt so stressed n depressed that wen i gt mi pay the 1st ting i did was to shop n shop... felt damn good to finally shop again...n mi fon bill in lyke 11mths was lower than ever... shockin... mi frens now y....y is life like that?? its like i get to b happy n juz wen im happy it suddenly taken away...n like i dunnoe if i ever get it back.. ever lost a thing u like so much n can't fin it.. the feeling can drive u nuts... mi exact feeling....haiz...i wish i could hv a wish so i can wish wat i wanna wish.. can i get a wish??haiz... rite now i hv no life... work frm to mon to fri n come hme n bathe n slp... boring.. i noe.. sat after work come home bathe n go church.. if mi fren free go out if not rot at home again.. the same goes fer sunday....i wld hv a life if someone jus kold....how long im gonna b like this? wen im gonna b happy again n wen the 'test' ends... only GOD KNOWS...

wats the truth??

yesterday i went to mit mi dear fren... she told mi something she found out abt a fren.. n its very upsetting.. but wen i did confront bout it its another story.. mi fren will not lie to mi.. i trust her alot! but the other 1...i did trust alot.. but wen i read those msgs in her fon..it reli hurt mi feelings..i really dunnoe wats the truth.. n i wish i knew... mi fren so stress over mi problem until she smoke again.... stressed up over mi problem n something i confessed to her.. i dunnoe if im gonna b blacklisted...i reali don't... 1 ting i learn is think b4 u do anything n oways kip ur eyes open..i dunnoe if wat i found out is the truth.... gd person? bad person? i will let time n god decide... i hope gd...i dunnoe if i can handle it if its bad...i wish i can c in the future n noe now so that i dun hurt miself n c mi fren sad over mi....wat is the truth.. someone tell mi pls.

hu m i?

i dunnoe wats goin on animore... i dunnoe wat to trust.. wat not to.. well finally i read mi daily bread n felt at peace n finally slept in peace again. well today.. i dunnoe if wat i did was a mistake by calling... ppl say i dun understand... but the problem is they dun understand.. getting scolded.. telling mi to face the music.. i tot we were supose to help each other n get each other back... i tink wat i did was a major crime ( ya rite) if i tell this to anyone or mi frens tell mi this problem i oni can say y they wanna make a big fuss..haiz.. m i reali that childish.. seriously m i?? i dunnoe the ans... in the end i finall decided to juz leave it to GOD's hand.. HE noes best.. everything happens fer a reason.. i dunnoe y its happening now.. but i will one day.. well but at least i noe now that wen there's a problem no oint telling this person cuz im on mi own although we were suppose to help each other... u noe a whole year later... the anita back then wld hv juz thrown everything obstructing her life n get on wid it.. i changed.. i 4gt how anita used to be.. its time i get a grip of miself.. its time i get back to the old anita.. jovial, happy n enuf of worrying... learn to b stone again... at least i dun cry animore..i hope i noe the reason fer goin tru all of this..

a world full of lies

it's so hard to trust ppl in life.... i had a fren whom i trusted so much onli to find out she was full of lies and was bz spoiling mi name outside while suckin up to mi n meeeting her fuckin needs.. wen the truth was out 1 day i cut mi frenship wid her.. i hated indians n din tok them or mix wid them much... after almost three years i finally started mixing with indian ppl... i learn to trust ppl again... i trusted someone so much.. much more than i expected... n feelin cheated again.. ending up in tears.. is life always suppose to suck this much? sometimes i wonder y i put trust in ppl again after goin thru so much... y ppl fake n make u trust them oni to hurt u time n time again..wat the hell do these ppl want?? make use of mi! its hurtin to find out truth u dun wanna learn.. i feel so so cheated... wouldn't the world b a much much better place if ppl jus stop lying n treated u like human n dun cheat on u.. wat they r forgetting is wat goes around comes around. the person may cheat mi now... but GOD is watching...

unfruitful day

this is the shortest eva... i di nuthin much today. i slept thru the day... n i hv a big feeling im not gonna fall aslp tonite (again)..someone tell mi mind to rest please.