guess hu's back...

back again........ finally... lyke dunnoe after so long i got on blog... man its tiring... juz started job... been lyke 3 wks oready... currently on mi foundation programme so i gt no shift... morning shift all the way n sat 7 to 11 n sundays mi off... mi last off on 17 th july.. aftr that shift liao... haiz... learnt alot of things n still gt alot of things to learn.. so happy finally someone taught mi exactly wat i can do n wat i must noe.. n the orientation by a staff naz... thanks to her. reali... i gt transferre to 64 surgical.. during prcp i was in 64 renal... its so long since i went surgical posting so im lyke no nuts... going crazy cuz i can hv all kinda cases n i hv to noe how to care fer them... but right now fer first 3 mths im doin junior job.. hehe but getting staff nurse pay.. ain't it fun or wat....but well everyday come back so tired that i juz knock out after mi bath n meal everyday.. macam no life... like as if i hv 1 animore... mi frens are gonna start work oready.. n i hv 1 missing fren hu can't b bothered to kol which is praticali driving mi insane....never felt this lonely before... hv u eva had so much of frens bt yet feel so lonely....like there's no one fer you??that's how im feeling... i can't get rid of this feeling... so i pratically slp alot if not go out.... felt so stressed n depressed that wen i gt mi pay the 1st ting i did was to shop n shop... felt damn good to finally shop again...n mi fon bill in lyke 11mths was lower than ever... shockin... mi frens now y....y is life like that?? its like i get to b happy n juz wen im happy it suddenly taken away...n like i dunnoe if i ever get it back.. ever lost a thing u like so much n can't fin it.. the feeling can drive u nuts... mi exact feeling....haiz...i wish i could hv a wish so i can wish wat i wanna wish.. can i get a wish??haiz... rite now i hv no life... work frm to mon to fri n come hme n bathe n slp... boring.. i noe.. sat after work come home bathe n go church.. if mi fren free go out if not rot at home again.. the same goes fer sunday....i wld hv a life if someone jus kold....how long im gonna b like this? wen im gonna b happy again n wen the 'test' ends... only GOD KNOWS...

wats the truth??

yesterday i went to mit mi dear fren... she told mi something she found out abt a fren.. n its very upsetting.. but wen i did confront bout it its another story.. mi fren will not lie to mi.. i trust her alot! but the other 1...i did trust alot.. but wen i read those msgs in her fon..it reli hurt mi feelings..i really dunnoe wats the truth.. n i wish i knew... mi fren so stress over mi problem until she smoke again.... stressed up over mi problem n something i confessed to her.. i dunnoe if im gonna b blacklisted...i reali don't... 1 ting i learn is think b4 u do anything n oways kip ur eyes open..i dunnoe if wat i found out is the truth.... gd person? bad person? i will let time n god decide... i hope gd...i dunnoe if i can handle it if its bad...i wish i can c in the future n noe now so that i dun hurt miself n c mi fren sad over mi....wat is the truth.. someone tell mi pls.

hu m i?

i dunnoe wats goin on animore... i dunnoe wat to trust.. wat not to.. well finally i read mi daily bread n felt at peace n finally slept in peace again. well today.. i dunnoe if wat i did was a mistake by calling... ppl say i dun understand... but the problem is they dun understand.. getting scolded.. telling mi to face the music.. i tot we were supose to help each other n get each other back... i tink wat i did was a major crime ( ya rite) if i tell this to anyone or mi frens tell mi this problem i oni can say y they wanna make a big fuss..haiz.. m i reali that childish.. seriously m i?? i dunnoe the ans... in the end i finall decided to juz leave it to GOD's hand.. HE noes best.. everything happens fer a reason.. i dunnoe y its happening now.. but i will one day.. well but at least i noe now that wen there's a problem no oint telling this person cuz im on mi own although we were suppose to help each other... u noe a whole year later... the anita back then wld hv juz thrown everything obstructing her life n get on wid it.. i changed.. i 4gt how anita used to be.. its time i get a grip of miself.. its time i get back to the old anita.. jovial, happy n enuf of worrying... learn to b stone again... at least i dun cry animore..i hope i noe the reason fer goin tru all of this..

a world full of lies

it's so hard to trust ppl in life.... i had a fren whom i trusted so much onli to find out she was full of lies and was bz spoiling mi name outside while suckin up to mi n meeeting her fuckin needs.. wen the truth was out 1 day i cut mi frenship wid her.. i hated indians n din tok them or mix wid them much... after almost three years i finally started mixing with indian ppl... i learn to trust ppl again... i trusted someone so much.. much more than i expected... n feelin cheated again.. ending up in tears.. is life always suppose to suck this much? sometimes i wonder y i put trust in ppl again after goin thru so much... y ppl fake n make u trust them oni to hurt u time n time again..wat the hell do these ppl want?? make use of mi! its hurtin to find out truth u dun wanna learn.. i feel so so cheated... wouldn't the world b a much much better place if ppl jus stop lying n treated u like human n dun cheat on u.. wat they r forgetting is wat goes around comes around. the person may cheat mi now... but GOD is watching...

unfruitful day

this is the shortest eva... i di nuthin much today. i slept thru the day... n i hv a big feeling im not gonna fall aslp tonite (again)..someone tell mi mind to rest please.

buildin mi life again

title sound as though i goin thru a difficult time in life... well i m... hmm... i hv to learn to get back to normal instead of being depressed everyday.. as if being cooped up at home wasn't enough.. well went out with mi fren isma to buy mi sista bday present.. well i gt her a mp3.. n well mi pocket gt hole liao spent on that thing... she better b thankful n appreciate mi fer getting her that ting.. she loves songs aniway... n schl is a long journey fer her... well she still better appreciate mi... im officially broke.. haiz.. how money flies..hmm... well nuthing much aniway.. the same..
i wonder hows mi fren getting on in nuh... GOD DO BLESS HIM FER A SPEEDY RECOVERY...

birthdays...

well mi dear lanlan bday yesterday...had loads of fun...met them after church.. sadly mi stupid sandals kept biting mi!! lucki mi mi frens brought the plasters..wen mit them we went to hunt her present n eventualli bought her a jacket she wanted to buy las time at u2.. so we after she came ... we pretend to go shoppin n brought her into u2 n asked her wat she tink bout the jacket.. she gv us heart attack.. she say she dun reali like it.. so all of us panic n ask her to try skirts.. and after deciding on a skirt we had to kip passing her clothes to make her kip trying the clothes... u noe y... cuz we need to stall her in the dressing cubicle while the others swapped the jacket bought earlier to the skirt... wekept passing her clothes n she nagged that she's tired of trying the clothes.. n the sales assisstant told us not to hog the cubicle cuz there's a queue formin... ya a long 1 hehe... well the swap was done..then we watched a movie... the five children and it..a very sweet movie... then we were sittin at mac n waiting fer 1 more fren wen grace accidentally blurted out the secret... we were cutting her cake at swensens... meant to be suprise.. well i gt irritated n made noise..n she seemed guilty..n looked as if she gonna cry... but she kept saying no... haiz then i felt guilty fer makin her wan to cry.. hmmm... then while waiting to be seated at swensens.. grace n joyce bought her a g- string i happily asked them to get a red one hehe... we put it in a bag... then after cutting the cake .. we asked to close her eyes n take it out... wen she took it out we snapped fotos n she sort of shocked.. hehe... n gt alot of glares 4rm the ppl there eating at swensens.. kaypos. then eat the cake not filling ah... so mi n asmah ordered rodeo wings.. which were yummy by the way.. lanlan had deep fried mushrooms n joyce n grace ordered fries.. well first tings first the service at swensens sucked big time.... our food was there except fer the fries.. n they waited fer almost 30 mins plus leh!! joyce gt so angry she scloded the manager... n well well wat do u noehe rushed out the fries n gave a 10 percent discount... but we still wrote a bad feedback.. their service reali sucked mah! then we makan liao.. rush home.. reach home late ah.. ah well hu cares .. i dun do it oways...i had fun though.. after a long long time...

finalli!!! i saw the sun again..

ya.. like being cooped up at home was ever fun.. staying at home was so damn boring... n i was goin crazy with mua brain workin overtime.. thanks to mi dearest best fren hu was free... thank you v much isma.. we went out.. gt mi sis bday present n went back to tmp to watch a movie... n bought a skirt.. its so long since i like wore a skirt... i tink im gonna wear it on lanlan bday gathering.. well at least i went out today n smell the air again... gd to be out again.... well mi dear fren at nuh.. confirmed diagnosis that its a cerebral abscess n well the brain is pretty much infected with leakage of fluid to the brain surroundings.. so right now they r tryin to find out wers the leak.. well at least he can eat fer the past two days.. apart frm the icp wen sit up too long n standing he can still tok a little now n then... PRAISE THE LORD.. at least now we noe wats goin on.. i hope he recovers fast... 1 mth hospitalisation more... haiz hope time pass fast... i pray that God will work his miracles...yet again.

boring......

its sos so boring... im dying in boredom.. sitting at home is suffocating mi along wid all the other things bothering mi in mi mind.. ppl at home sleeping is mi past time but seriously i do that to run away frm thinking of mi problems...its the best.. slp n it will disappear that is until i wake up...now i dread sitting at home cuz all the more im free n think nonsense.. if at least im out i do things i tend not to think too much.. well mi frens do hv a life of their own n i can't possibly impose on them... everybody is busy...i.. i dun wan to go out with any fren i hv cuz they will ask mi hows life n some questions i dun wan to ans them fer time being..haiz.. fer now sit at home n rot i guess.. gr8 way to spent mi holiday.. well i made plans to actually kip mi holidays busy.. but im in no mood to enjoy all that with a fren in hospital.. i prefer to jus lie low though i noe i can't be doing this 4eva..i dunnoe... i will survive.. i need time... we'll c wer this goes.. chao.