this time round.. im the patient

finally... i got discharged frm hospital today...
i was warded at w78 rm 31/1...
yes i became a patient...
i started to get bumps all over mi 4 limbs... it spread over the limbs... n it was freaking painful... can't walk nor stand nor sit.. moving around is difficult because of the pain...
i went to work still but on sat 28/1/06 can't tahan... went staff clinic to seee doctor... doctor dunnoe wat is wrong with mi.. n said its unusual.... referred mi to go a&e... the doctor diagnose mi as query erthyma nodumes.. a skin problem... a symptom triggered by something frm mi body.. can b tb.. viral infection... anithing.... at first they refused lemme go home... they said wait till all the bumps subside.... n til they find out the trigger factor... i was getting irritated fer stayin in hospital like an idiot... n at nite i always feel so lonely... nobody there.. family n fren all go home...
wan to cry... till i started crying yesterday to mi fren that iwant to go home...
sounds stupid but well no one will understand wat its like unless ur in mi position... having a sickness caused by dunnoe wat... n can come back again...
i feel like a diseased women...
haiz..... i jus hate being hospitalised...
being alone...
well mi frens visited mi n im so touched they came....
well... being hospitalised made mi see things in a patients point of view... n i felt wat they felt.. the worry they have...
i was pratically worrying every single day n nite weneva im alone....
every nite i had oni 1 question... wen i will get to go home...
surprisingly the doctor lemme go home on the account that im a staff nurse there n should b able to tk care of miself... anithing come back to see them... i was so happy i was like jumping wid joy...
i packed all mi things.... n got discharged wen mi dad n brudder came...
i came home.. so happy to b home alas....
nuthing like home....
i dun eva wan to get hospitalised again.....
im on mc till 7th feb... hv to come back fer appointment..
hope this skin problem goes away...
as long as i dun get admitted again...
praise the LORD...

sick chicken

i can barely move today..
generalised weakness n pain on movement...
yesterday whole day flu..
today i can barely move... damn painful.. took mc..
feel bad.. this mth alone i took 2 mc oready...
but if i go to werk i cant werk fast.. i will b like moving slow motion.. move pain.. sit oso pain.. walk pain...
mi father bring mi to the doctor...n he got the cheek to tell mi mum i walk like an old lady...see la... expect mi to fly i tink..
now feelin abit drowsy frm the meds...
i 4gt wat i wanted to type...
i hope mi ward sista dun think i ponteng fer fun...
tat will b fun.. but nah.. i not so bad
if i do to others wait one day others will do back to mi
haiz... i shall go lie down n stay in that position n try not to move..
damn hopefully i can walk tmrw.. n not like a constipated old lady..
someone... massage mi can....
: (

sick again

how many times can a human being fall sick...
i tink im 1 fool hu olways so suai fall sick...... esp wen i v lucky get long days off.... haiz...
flu as usual... man mi nose hurts frm sneezing..
suppose to mit mi best fren to go watch movie... but been sneezing the whole morning n i feel so giddy wen i go down to shop fer awhile...
so in the end i had to cancel it... so sad...
haiz....
y must i fall sick...
y.....
tmrw must go back werk.... soo sad...
haiz...
i wonder if mi best fren is angry wid mi fer not miting her
aiya i v tired n sian... body paining sneeze n sneeze...
i wan to go cut mi hair n highlight la..
haiz......
k la i v sian sick.. n staying at home.....
tmrw werk oready... god noes wen mi next off...
hope mi sick goes away....
: (

4 days off

4 days off... 3rd day.. walking to 4th..
damn bored today... stay at home...
not active enuf to run out today..
yesterday i went to watch i not stupid 2... so damn touchin... mi n mi fren indhu crying away hehe n funny oso...
then after that mi n mi fren went tekka mit up her frens... jeff n julie... funny la.. we were kachau'in them away... having loads of fun.... joking...so nice to kip in touch wid old fren.... must go out again ...
tmrw last day off... : (
i dun wan to go back to work.....
haiz...

have a nice day....

moral of the story.. help urself before helping others... finish our own work first then help others... mi collegue always ask mi help him while he does his things... in then end... i lose out.. i stay back tilll so late to finish mi work.... well this time round mi work comes first... gv them a dose of their own medicine...n wat happens... i finish mi work on time n can even go break...
well yea i finish work on time... still can relak sia... fuyo... hehehe happy...
i went out mi cousin n niece... so fun... i happy happy hold mi niece hand n we swinging our hand n walking... hehe we go eat at kfc.. then tok n tok... go mi house cuz mi cousin nid to print somethings... reali nice time spent together
yeay i 4 days off... go back to work on tuesday hehe so happy.... no nid to see mi patients... take a good break... so much of problems at work... can't take it.. now mi time to relax n breathe.. i hope by the time i go back the patient not there...
haiz..
the start of the year... so many problems.. fights wid patiets n ppl u love.. decisions made... maybe good or bad.. as long as it kips mi happy n im not crying animore...alot of things learn... a lot of messages sent... sadness n newfound happiness
ppl hu come frm noewer... n actuali make u feel happy n loved n soon enuf u just tell urself to let go of past n move on... i hv moved on frm one phase to another... start life aqgain n not to dwell on the past... not worth it... cuz thats wat kip mi frm moving on...
n now its mi turn to b happy n let ppl kip mi happy... cuz im tired of doin all the harwork but treated like shit in the end...
maybe sometime somethings r not meant to be..
n every ending is a new beginning... i hv found a beginning... im happy fer now...n i hope it remains this way..
cuz i dun wan to cry animore...

i hope the year dun suck

i having lots of problem at work... patients creating trouble... complain against mi... cry so much.. n im wondering y the hell m i crying... wasting mi time rite n tears...
go to work like zombie..
then wen i think i goin to try n move on... i have another problem...
ended up cyring again... shit la starting of the new year n cry.. shit...
i wan to b happy.... n im goin to try... i just hope i get over all this unwanted shit!!! GOD pls help mi..
but well n im feeling happier... n try to kip miself happy...

new year resolution

mi new year resolution..
to b HAPPY
guess its bout time i knock sense in mi head n stop feelin sad...
n well... im feelin happy... confused n angy with other things... but apart thatt yea im happy...
dunnoe feelin happy n jus wanted to say that..
hmm.... its a new year n a new beginning.. n i will relive mi life!
here i go....

patients vs patience

fer 2 days i overall in charge... mi patients take turn to bug the hell otta mi... so much nonsense.. feel like murdering them.. now mi 2 cubicles all ortho patients n full of nonsense patients!!!
2 drug abusers hu half the time tok rots n irritate mi...
1 juz did op n has so much of complians n nags worse than a woman...
he will do stupid things then tell mi he bleeding la .. pain la...
hu ask u move so much after major op in the leg...
another will lie down there n wants to be seved like his a king
another i think wants to b a part time nurse... ownself connect n disconnect his antibiotics... go n off plug himself claiming its not straight... n wen i told him off he say its a small matter... all the more i feel like takin the biggest needle to poke him... then he noe the pain of settin plug... bum!
he is not suppose to walk cuz the bone is very weak n gonna cause him a fracture n the op site to bleed.. tell him so many times... stubborn man... kip walkin ... then i just tell him.. "later bleed u dun come to mi"
irritating rite u tell them dun do then they do... then bleed find missy..
he goin fer another op n oready say cannot eat he go n eat biscuit la drink water la... then wen tell him cannot... he telling mi can like as though he docotor!!! nonsense la he want to die ine the op table issit!!
they dunnoe wat they r doin to themselves...
another hongkee fella hu is a big time pain in the ass... refuses to go home..
but he oni complains bout the doctor.. but bugs our life...
n last but not least the jungle man... we all call him that cuz he is a dirty fella hu never takes hiz bath.. n stinks big time
complain of pain but the minute wan to smoke no pain ...
complain of pain then wen gv medicine say dun wan
if not sometime crawl like sadako out of his bed
one of the noisiest patients... then again,, most of mi patients noisy
sometimes they make mi sp issed off i feel like crying
they behave like its a market!!!
haiz im trying very hard to show patience towards them
but seriously all i wanna do is murder them...
ahgghhh!!!!
lucky i off tmrw... frens comin over... hope they dun lay mi out.. i will murder them hehe
well tmrw is another day.. thank god no work
im goin on nite soon ... i shall wat gonna happens hpe i hv fun...
merry xmas n happy ner year guys

do they noe its xmas time at all..

hey whadya noe.. xmas is in the air..
on the 25th the day was fun n mi house was pack n hot ... mayb too many ppl thats y..
mi frens came
so happy to see em'
but man was it tiring doin the entertainin
cut mi bday cake
yes ppl im 21
wow n prezzies hehe
but go work
was afternoon n overall in charge
but okie the day past well
tmrw oso oops i mean today... its oready 12.40..
afternoon shift
though i was pretty much disappointed wid someone fer not coming
i realised its no point getting angry
hu is he anyway...
wateva f*** la.. got no comments..
try to enjoy life
21 oready.. mus do something
but dunnoe wat la
hehe fer now
enjoy xmas!!!
n new year juz around the corner...
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY...
mi new year resolution :
to be happy.

better to slp

i guess its better to slp at home next time...
i went shoppin today...
seriously.. its difficult to find a dress i like... way beyond mi budget to spend that much on a dress..
ended up buyin some sphagetti blouse...i dunoe i like it cuz its simple n mature... at that point wen i buy it seriously jus looked nice n a must hv... take it back home n i got the complains... takin turns to tell mi how low it is.. it doesn't look that low to mi though... i guess i shall burn it..
haiz throughout mi years oready i listen everything... at a point of time ppl grow up n try diff things... mayb i should juz stick to wearing t-shirts..
they bttr not complain animore then
want mi to look womanly... but this cannot that cannot...
aiya wateva..
ask mi buy skirt ... i buy... short??
go to all the shop the skirts r freaking short okie!!! unless i buy long skirt...
to mi it dusn look short... aiya dunnoe la... i dun wanna shop animore..
i think im stickin to jeans n t- shirts n long sleeves...
soon i will wear like the muslim ppl (no offence). cover everything up...
cannot stay out late... cannot overnite.. no to chalet..
canot wear this... cannot club... cannot cannot cannot
frustrating...
y did i even bother...
might as well sleep... much better....
now i must change wat i want to wear fer xmas... i think i noe.
buy a freakin t-shirt
lets see hu complains then

4 more days to xmas

man 4 more days n i hvn finish mi shopping la!!! suppose to go celebrate a fren bday... like shit the person wen missing as usual... wateva f ***.
then i had a backup plan noe'in these things happen... sadly it backfired.. mi fren stuck at work...
n now raining...
i nid to shop n nobody free
n im dead tired...
4 more days to xmas n im not prepared....
worst i actually can sit here bothering to wait fer mi fren to kol mi out fer his bday... wasting mi time...
wan to slp but too tired to slp... n mind too busy thinking shit as usual...
achievement fer today... i set plug n took blood..
aiya im trying to ammuse miself..
wat bothers mi the most rite now is
unfinished shoppin... i yet to buy mi xmas clothes..
haiz.. then after that go back work n yes im spending new year in hospital... nite shift! count down in the hospital...
well something diff n new n can't b helped..
i wish i was out shoppin... wasted mi good time entertaining ppl
damn it...
n well 4 more days fer mi to finish mi work...
got 2 shop fer xmas presents n clothes
clean mi cupboard
clean mi shelf n bed
clear away all mi junk
wrap the presents
put up the tree
n still hv fun on mi bday amongst all this...
well i'll survive... somehow

another meanin to life?

wat hv i been up to?? nuthin juz work
today i was so dead bored n everybody not free to mit mi so i made plans diff... i brought mi mum out fer a movie (i dun do that often by the way)
we went to watch the DESCENT. scary!!! it scared the shit outta mi... damn... but the movie nice.. din reali get the moral of the story till mi bro told mi the moral.. its bout animals hu stick by fer one another n hv compassion but humans behave compassionless n animal like
i do agree... that many of us r like that...
sadly
i met mi ex patient... hu is the one patient hu i did care alot fer.. he has quite a sad story n suffered alot of pain throughout the hospitalisation n a very very nice patient...
n happy to see him discharged after almost 3mths of hospitalisation
saw him on mi way to work... happy to see him get on well..
i nvr forget those times he was olways in pain n even times wen he gives up wants to suicide.. i feel happy that i did manage to tok positive thinkin n that rite now he is livin much better...
its such small tings we do that help others that create meaning fer the job im doin...
n i dunnoe if i will ever continue this job or leave it... seeing how stressful it gets n no one appreciates u fer the fact....
which can drive mi nuts n think its a shit job...
rite now mi life??
i have no plans.. i dunno wat the hell im gonna do in the future..
wer to go ... wat to do..
i reali dunnoe
rite now its juz frens n work n family
i work like crazy.. hang out wif frens wen im free... wat else??
i reali hv no plans.... meaning to life???
dunnoe used to hv a meaning to life..
now i juz want to search the meanin n dun waste time feelin sad..
now not as sad but well... still not sure wat i want in life...
or wat i want to do...
n shit im goin to b 21.. haiz growing older...
n i hv yet to discover meaning to life..
i counsel ppl well but a sad case hu dun live by wat she taught others...
i wish i start doin that..
n i wish i know wat to do with mi life...

do u noe the meaning of BORING!

thats wat im feeling rite now... bored!!!
chattin online wid mi frens.... so damn bored...i dun even noe wat to write cuz theres nuthing to write....
so there... mi boring blog entry fer today... how exciting...
im still bored...

no worries no worries

haiz.... today morning shift... i do 1 big dressing until back pain...
tmrw off. so happy...
but dunnoe wat im gonna do though..
macam no life
haiz... boring.... argh!!!!! reali bored la... dunnoe wat to do to spice up mi life
ideas somebody!!! go work come home bathe eat n slp.. wen free go makan wid fren or watch movie... nuthing new... hmm... mi ward busy as usual... i so scared they take mi over to renal.. i dun wan go... cuz got alot indians at mi surgical... scared they take mi over that side... i pray they dun.. if they do i will cry... reali....
haiya dun tok about work always stressful...
but if i start tokin bout mi life then i oso get stressed...
aiyo... no difference....
hmph... do wat tmrw??
watch movie i guess... how "excitin"..
must go cycling.. i wonder if i still rmbr how to cycle...
hmm... mus kip miself busy... if not i too stress till i hv to go imh
eh there are nurses go imh ( as patients )...n i dun wan to be 1 though... must enjoy life till the last minute.. hu noes skali the next day i die.. dun wan die wid regrets... so moral of the story dun waste time getting sad n crying jus kick ol the stress n worries n b happy..
no worries no worries..
i wish i followed that advice... i will try though.Have to.

damn nursing!!

i wonder if im getting paid to get scolding!!! wat the hell.. after mi annual leave n im goin back to ward today... tot it was gonna b a gr8 day.. yea rite.. hu m i kidding... nonsense..
it was all gr8 until at about 6 plus wen mi collegues patient's son walk up to mi n asked if his father has gone fer an operation... n then i juz replied it has been cancelled.. he asked mi why but i can't explain y cuz i dunnoe y... i did not take the kol n im not in charge of him n im not updated about him so i realli dunnoe y.. i said im not sure but i will ask mi collegue to tok to him.. n he started yellin at mi... refusing to let mi tok.. he kept yellin n making scene n i din noe wat the hell to do... luckily mi fren from the other cubicle help mi sort it... even then he is not v pleased... wen she n i go to the tearoom n ask mi collegue to tok to him cuz its more better fer him to explain to him.. but he refused to do so.. he was sleepin n claimed its his break... so !!! does that mean its okie fer him to hv his breakin while i bloody hell take the rap...worse still no one kol n told the patients son it was cancelled... mi fren helped mi to settle it n i juz apologized that i reali could not ans him..mi fren did not want mi to get a complain letter fer something i din do so she helped mi... bless her good heart.. but im so angry wid mi collegue hu refused to help mi n juz wanted to cover his backside...
ii was so irritated i went fer break.. force miself to eat.. then i told miself im taking the full break... i felt so down n moody after that...
then wen i went back out n served medications... mi another patient hu is mentally ill scolded mi in vulgarities fer nuthing...
he kept shoutin chibai.. trust me.. man i was temted to ask him y his mother dun hv issit... rude but wat the hell...
he kept yelling at mi until i pass report finish... he say u shut up.. dun tok to mi n make nmi fed up.. he reali crazy.. one minute he joke wid mi n so nice.. next minute he yell at mi.. n the worst thing is i orady served his psychaitric medicine oready n he is like that.. i wonder if he ate it or threw it away.. cuz if he dun take it thats wen he goes bonkers...
i felt like beatin him up... it reali spoils mi mood.. n i felt very depressed..
i got scolded fer nuthing...
is this y i joined nursing.. to get f**ked by patients! m i even gettin paid fer all this shit im taking!!! im juz so irritated that i feel like quittin this job... i m counting down 3yrs... i can't do this fer life... cuz at the end of it i will become mentally ill n stressed out!
tmrw i morning shift n have to face it again... God noes wats goin to happen tmrw... juz bring mi thru the day n im thankful..

bloated...

i ate so much today... n i was suppose to be dieting.. haiz...
i went to mi cousin house today n saw mi 2 nieces n nephew... v cute.. they hv grown up alot... one lost weight n the other two put on... had fun .. then mi n mi cousin go walk walk around hougang mall n chattin bout life n laughin at ppl... a peaceful day n most of the time spent yackin n jokin...
today is mi last day of annual leave n im goin back to work tmrw... hmm sad... i wanted to slp more... i noe im being a pig.. lazy la..
happens.. if u work like mi
but waitin fer mi off on wed n thurs..
work... so much politics... i hate it wen ppl put a luffin face but do the otherwise.. damn them.. nvm ... i will survive..
jus look forward to off i guess... haiz... work tmrw... i dun wan to go!!!!
drag miself to work... n now im gonna go slp.. n face mi tiring life again..
here i go again...

weighty issues

n mi sista n brudder r fighting at the back.... nonsense... i dun like it wen ppl throw tempers.. sadly i realise i do that to...
man i gotta grow up in that sense....
but throwin tantrums is good... ppl will noe u r angry n juz buzz off... i dun do that to everybody thou... mi frens dun reali c this side of mi.. mayb cursin n swearin yes... but not tantrums... onli do it to mi loved ones... hu else can we do this to hehe ( n im proud of that) hehe
im on annual leave n i can't believe that im actualli siitin at home... again ... today...
go tekka (again) haiz....
i jus realised today that man i put on an awful lots of weight... n its startin to piss mi off... im gonna lose weight again even if mi gastritis pain kills mi.... thanks to wonderful attention of painkiller... okie if mi fren read this they will definitely murder mi wen they see mi...
they say i look a healthy person now unlike last time i look anorexic.... did i?? i dunnoe... i miss those days wen mi tummy were flat... n fats were less visible... the day i met mi one fren... i started bloatin... frn 44kg to now a 49kg... i took gr8 pains to lose weight frm 56kg to 44 kg... n now i puttin on....
cannot cannot... must lose weight... n i shall.. wen i do i shall publicise hehe.... i hope im not becomin crazy...
i sit at home i kip thinkin of certain things i dun wanna think of...
but if i wanna go out i get nagged at
past few dayss so stressed out until i juz wan to go somwer n release all this stress....
haiya... if god has a hp i will definitely call him n ask the ans to mi questions.. questions i nid ans to fer a long long time...
cuz moving on is not that easy after all... n i wan to move on
but i can't~

im back....

im on annual leave...
im SUPPOSED to b enjoyin but im rottin at home... y?
cuz mi best fren is down wid tonsils
mi close fwen in thai trainin
mi other fren all workin shift...
every1 so busy.... so m i wen im workin la...
so happy to b out of ward fer now...
so chaotic n busy... nvr finish work
so fast time past... i work fer 5 mths oready...
how much i saved... nuthin much
i wonder wat i do wid mi pay la.... last time broke now oso broke
hehe
mostly because of mi stupid hp bill
at work kena nag by the oldiesin the ward.. work wid em v the f***in stress
esp gt 1 old lady.... i wonder do all single womean become like her
so grouchy
she rarely smiles n if she does she looks even more freaky
n she has a face of a bull dog la..... realli...
but she can b helpful thou ... depends on her mood... it changes at a blink of eye.. thats y i stay far... very very far away frm her
i wonder hows ward? hows mi pt...
but i dun miss ward... so tiring go work
im counting down 3 yrs,.... definitely runnin away
i wish i din join nursing..
but some times i feel proud to b a nurse wen i achieve something
but its till a job which will send mi to grave.... not easy n stressful
so much politics.... ol i noe is nvr trust anione but urself
at home mi parents nag at mi to do housework n learn cookin
mi stupid fren can force mi to learn cookin.. say i mus go the house n lern frm the mother....
y muz i learn cookin!!!! learn n cook fer hu
mi mother kip sayin cook fer mi husband in future,,, hu say i gettin married?
i miself dunnoe if i will get married...
will i ? onli god noes..
then thers the thing bout saving money...
im tryin.... reali tryion.. jus dunnoe y it finishes at the end of the month
hehe
save fer hu? mi future weddin... wat oni...
mi parents reali tryin to get mi to b responsible... but too bad they kip tryin n i kip runin... i will b responsible if i ever find the nid to
i will commit to such things wen thers a reason
i dun hv a reason to do all this fer now
savin ya okie its a must fer rainy dasy... the rest.... c how
firstly let god show mi wer mi path of life is headin n get5 mi ans to questions i nid then i wil decide.. till then i will enjoy...
now wan to enjoy but no fren to accompany.. how...
aiya the best thing now is slp...

watch gonna do wen it all comes back...

juz wen u think life is gd... tings happen.. life is very unpredictable... bt learn frm lessons.. take tings into stride... n try to be happy the keyword is try...
work is as usual STRESS spelled in capitals... the day im overall in charge is the day i go home late... i reali can't cope 15 patients all on mi own... i can go crazy...scared ah b alone...so many mrsa patients in mi ward... nurse's r walkin germs...we carry bacteria in our body.. loads of it..

kitchen is under renovation... so poverty strikes at home... no good food to eat!!!! everyday outside food.. sick n tired of eatin at coffeeshop... home cooked food is the best... no wonder i lost weight hehe

so long never go church... mus go liao...

im goin on annual leave!!!! 21st nov to 27th nov!!! so happy... im helpin to clear someone else leave... but all the same... go on leave... yeay!!! break frm work... temporary that is.. better than nuthin

im gonna do a portfolio.. courtesy of mi parents... bday present 4 mi... so excited.. waitin oni...

deepavali comin...i lucky get mi public holiday... can go visiting..

c! so many things to b happy about.. so i shall not let one ting spoil mi mood or make mi sad...

p.s. since renovation alot kosu kadi (mosquitos i mean..)
hehe till later tata...

huff n puff n blow the man down

n i tot blowing was easy...
today was mi bcls n yes i passed... jump fer joy... but mi throat hurts damn bad all thanks to the blowing.... i needed 3 attempts to actually pass the damn thing... mi compressions were beautiful ( **ahem ahem** wat can i say... beautiful person gv beautiful compressions... makes no sense rite... nvm..)aniway i had a hard time givin mouth to mouth resuscitation to the mannequin... so hard to blow.. n i blow so hard n still not enough... finally i manage to pass... a just pass fer mi blowing.. jus nice i gt 3 mistakes in the blowin n we were onli allowed to hv 3 mistakes.. thank god.... but seriously.. mi compressions were good... they were all at the same depth n timing... not to praise miself but wat can i say... im good... but not wid all this blowing thingy....
pass bcls oready go back ward relak oni... many staff n nuthin to do... so basicaly today is 1 day god is so kind to gv mi wer i get paid fer doin nuthin... ain't it gr8!
now waiting fer pay day... counting down....5 more days... n im rich again fer a few days then i will b poor
again.